


Catharsis and Doubts

by Sunshines_Fabulous_Legs



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canon Compliant, Fluff, Ghosts, M/M, Season/Series 12, Time Travel, Witches
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-16
Updated: 2017-02-16
Packaged: 2018-09-24 20:56:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9786755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sunshines_Fabulous_Legs/pseuds/Sunshines_Fabulous_Legs
Summary: After a hunt gone wrong with a witch, Dean is sent back 100 years, and runs into a too familiar friend.





	

Dean whipped his flashlight around. The witch had surprised them all. When did anything go to plan with the Winchesters? The floorboards creaked behind Dean. He turned around again. He had separated from Sam. He didn’t know where Cas was.

  
He walked further into the dark basement. Something moved in his light. Dean held still for a moment. A rat scurried across the floor. Dean relaxed a bit, then continued walking. In the darkness, Dean made out a small table. As Dean got closer, he saw that it was covered in pictures. Each picture had two newspaper clippings attached to them. Dean recognized the first clip attached to the pictures, reports of men disappearing without a single trace from a farming town in Maine. Sam showed them to Dean, saying he think he found a case. Dean then took a look at the second clippings. Dean couldn’t find any correlation between the second papers, one was from the late 1800s, one during the twenties, another the sixties.

But the last picture only had one paper attached to it. Dean glanced over the clipping, it was an article on crop conditions in 1901. The picture however, caught his attention. It was grainy, as if the witch took it from a security camera, and was blown up a bit, so Dean had to really make out who the man was. Dean made out that the man was wearing a suit, short hair, and that he was standing next to a taller man that had been cut from the picture.

From behind him, Dean heard a woman say, “Shame.”

He immediately whipped around, and saw their motel’s receptionist standing there. She raised her hand. Dean flew against the wall. “I really thought you were cute.” She sauntered over to the table and grabbed up Dean’s picture. Dean tried to struggle against her magic as she started chanting. Her chanting started to crescendo, and she pricked her finger and dropped her blood on the picture.

~ ~ ~

Dean woke up to the sun glaring down at his face. He brought his hand up to shield his eyes, and saw that he was now wearing gloves. He brought his body up, and looked at the clothing that felt extremely stiff on him. He first noted that he was wearing a long overcoat, suit pants, and shoes too nice and dainty for any real practical use. From everything Dean had been through, it wouldn’t have surprised him if the witch somehow found a way to blast him inside a Sherlock novel. But, Dean remembered that each of the missing men had an old newspaper attached to their picture, and the one attached to his, 1901.

* * *

Castiel surveyed the town through Clarissa Novak’s eyes. It had been about nineteen hundred years since angels last walked on the earth, and so much had changed since then. Castiel was impressed by how much his Father’s children changed in, what was a short time for an angel, such a short amount of time. His brother Uriel called these beings “mud monkeys,” but after being able to see them here up close, Castiel could understand why his Father loved them so much. These humans were so changing, so fleeting even within a single span of a day. Unlike the angels, eternal and unchanging.

Castiel was the first of his flight to arrive, as he was the only one who found a vessel near the angel they were hunting. Though, Castiel didn’t know where exactly the angel was, as he had worked some spell to mask his presence. So he was tasked with locating him before the others arrived. At least he had a name of the woman the angel had married; Lily Sunder.

So Castiel decided to speak with these humans, see if any of them knew this woman. He saw a pair of humans standing nearby, so he decided to speak to them. “Excuse me, I’m looking for a Lily Sunder. Do either one of you know her?”

“I’m sorry, but I haven’t met her,” the woman replied, as the couple continued walking.

“Oh yeah, she comes around about once a week, buys some candles, oil, and what not,” another man Castiel asked told him.

“Do you know where she lives?” Castiel asked.

The man gestured down the road, “Somewhere down there. There are dozens of farms and hundreds of acres out there, I really don’t know. If you need to find her, you’d want to wait around until she comes back next week.”

Castiel nodded towards the man, “Thank you.” He walked away from the man, and started down the road. Castiel was sure that someone along the road would direct him to where the rogue angel was hiding.

Fortunately for Castiel, that someone arrived shortly. After walking down the road for a few minutes, he ran into a young woman standing there. She wore a simple white dress, had her hair down, and seemed to be walking in a slight daze.

“Excuse me, I’m looking for Lily Sunder, do you know where she lives?” Castiel asked the woman.

The woman smiled at Castiel. “Yes, I can take you to her, if you want.”

Castiel eyed the woman, but without any other options and a need for urgency, he replied, “Thank you.” The woman turned down a smaller path, and Castiel followed behind.

* * *

Dean walked up the road. He hadn’t seen anyone for quite sometime and worried that he was walking away from civilization. At least the trees growing along the road provided enough shade for Dean. Dean walked down a curve in the road and finally saw someone else. He saw a small whitewashed house, and in front of it were two women chatting with one another. Further down the road, Dean saw a man riding a horse towards him.

As the rider got closer, Dean stepped to the side, then called out, “Hey, can you tell me where the nearest town is?”

The man looked at Dean in shock, but replied, “Just go down this road, you’ll be there in a quarter of an hour.”

“Thank you,” Dean replied, giving him a quick smile. The man rode off, and Dean continued walking along the road.

When Dean got closer to the two women, he overheard one of them say, “That James Davidson. Still shows his face after marrying Jessica Michaels so quickly after his wife died.”

The other woman leaned in closer, and Dean barely made out what she said, “I heard that Samantha Smith saw the late Mrs. Davidson walking nearby their old farm.”

“Excuse me, what did you say?” Dean asked the woman.

“What,” the woman laughed, “are you one of those ghost hunters?”

“Something like that.”

The other woman replied, “Walk up this road until you reach a large oak tree, then walk down the next path. You can’t miss it.”

“And where was she buried?”

Both of the woman looked at Dean in complete shock.

“Part of ghost hunting is knowing where the remains are. Do you know where she was buried?”

“I don’t know, her husband didn’t invite anyone to the funeral. All I know it’s somewhere on their old farm.”

Dean sighed, but was grateful he had somewhere to start. “Thank you.” Dean sped away from the two women, hoping that, it it existed, he could stop the ghost of Mrs. Davidson.

* * *

Castiel walked a few good paces behind the woman. She had spoken a single word to Castiel, and never bothered to check if Castiel had even followed. In fact, if Castiel didn’t have any other leads, he would have left a while ago.

“Ma’am, are we close?”

“We’re getting there.” Again, the woman next trudging along the path as if Castiel didn’t exist. Castiel let out a short prayer to his flight that they would arrive soon. Then, from behind the trees Castiel saw a small house. The red bricks looked faded, and one of the shutters had fallen off.

“So, Lily Sunder is here?”

“Come inside,” the woman replied. Castiel stopped. The woman walked to the door and opened it. She had to force the door open, and it creaked as it swung open wide. She turned back to Castiel and smiled, “Come.” She walked further into the house, and Castiel followed. No matter the situation Castiel knew he could handle it.

Castiel walked inside the house and looked around. It was completely bare. The floors had been covered in a thick layer of dust, and the place smelled of several types of mold. Castiel knew Lily Sunder and Akobel were hiding, but hadn’t expected them to live like this.

"Something isn’t right"… Castiel heard Clarissa think. Castiel dismissed her human nerves.

“She’s up here,” the woman said, walking up a flight of stairs. Castiel followed behind her and slid his angel blade out. The woman led Castiel down a hallway into a large room. All the windows here had curtains covering them, and cobwebs covered the corners. The woman walked over to one of the windows and said, “He’s coming.”

She immediately disappeared.

Castiel glanced around the room, and saw a small table in one corner, a single framed picture on it. He walked closer to it, and saw the woman in the picture, the same who had brought him to the house. He left the room and quickly glanced at the other rooms, finding them empty as well. He walked down the stairs. When he reached to open the door, the door handle jerked away from him. On the other side was a very concerned, and very attractive man--at least that’s what Castiel’s vessel thought.

“Hey, are you alright?” the man asked.

“I’m perfectly fine. What are you doing here?”

“Getting you out of here, c’mon.” The man grabbed Castiel’s wrist, but Castiel jerked out of his grip.

“I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself.” Castiel needed the man to leave as Ishim had ordered them to keep all interaction with humans to a minimum nor reveal what they were.

“I’m sure you are honey, but you really-” the man cut off when he glanced behind Castiel. Castiel turned around as well to see the woman standing there. She smiled, and raised one of her hands as if to beckon them. From behind, Castiel felt the man fall on top of him with a supernatural force. When the two of them hit the ground, the door slammed shut once again.

“Oh, we’re dealing with a nasty bitch here,” the man said as he rolled off Castiel. Castiel immediately stood up, then again reached for the door. He grabbed the knob and tore the door open. The door tried to close, but Castiel held it open with ease.

“You need to leave immediately,” Castiel commanded.

“I’m not leaving until I make sure you’re safe.”

Castiel squinted at the man, “I don’t see why I should listen to you.”

“Do you even know what’s going on with this house?”

“The ghost of the woman who lived here has interrupted me on my mission. Now please leave so we can both be on our way.”

The man’s mouth gaped open. “Wait, so you’re a hunter?”

“I’m a warrior if that’s what you’re asking.”

“Well, if you are a hunter or warrior or whatever, we still need to stop this ghost. I heard that she was buried somewhere on this farm, so we’d better start searching.”  
Castiel held the man’s gaze for a few moments. The man stared at Castiel intently, and Castiel felt something off about the man’s stare.

“I don’t see why this concerns me.”

“Why-- lady, this ghost will kill people. Isn’t that a good enough reason?”

“I have a mission and I can’t let anything distract me from it.”

“Some hunter you are,” the man spat out. “Listen, I’m not leaving until this ghost is dead. If you have any shred of decency, you’ll help me gank this creature.”

"He seems determined," Clarissa thought.

"Then he can stop this ghost on his own, he seems perfectly capable." Castiel thought

"Aren’t you an angel? Aren’t you supposed to protect humanity?" Clarissa pleaded with him.

Castiel looked at this man for a few seconds more, then replied, “Fine. We’ll stop this ghost together.”

* * *

Dean relaxed a little at her words, then jumped when she let go of the door and it slammed shut. “Thanks.”

“So, what do we need to do.”

Dean stared at this woman, he knew from her comment that she couldn’t be a hunter. “Well, we’ll need to salt and burn the body, then dig it up, wherever she’s buried.”

“Well, let’s see if they left behind something we can use here.” The woman walked off to another room. Dean shook his head at the woman. First this woman was somehow keeping the door open, then actually knows what a ghost is. Then, for some reason, Dean couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something familiar about the woman’s eyes.  
  
Dean walked the opposite direction of the woman into a large, bare room. There was a door, but when Dean opened it, he only found an empty closet. He then moved to the other end of the long room. He stepped through a door frame, and found himself at the back end of the house. Fortunately, a shovel leaned against the wall next to the back door. He picked it up and called out, “I found a shovel. You get anything?”

“Yes,” the woman called back. She walked out of the next room, carrying a small brown sack and a packet of matches. “Hold these.”

Dean grabbed the bag and packet with one hand. The woman turned towards the back door, then saw the ghost standing behind her.

“Look out!” he exclaimed. The ghost lifted her hand. Dean flew backwards, dropping everything in his hands. He rolled his body up. He saw the woman slash at the ghost with a blade, and the ghost vanished. At least she knew enough to carry iron, Dean thought. He then noticed that the weapon the woman held was familiar to him--it was an angel blade.

The woman slipped the blade back into her sleeve before she turned around. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, just help me pick this up.” The shovel landed closest to the woman, so she picked that up first. Dean reached over and grabbed the bag of salt, it fortunately hadn’t split. The matches on the other hand, lay all over the floor. Dean and the woman quickly picked them up and put them back into the packet. Dean put the matches and the salt into one of his pockets. The woman held out the shovel to Dean. He reached for it, then grabbed the woman’s arm, disarming her of the angel blade.

“What’s an angel doing here?” he demanded, pointing the tip of the blade at her neck.

She glared back at Dean. “I don’t have to answer to you.”

“You know, I haven’t met too many angels that I’ve liked, and I’ve got your knife, so I think you might want to.”

“We’re currently stuck with a ghost keeping us trapped inside. Do you really think you have the strength to get out of her?” Dean stared at her for a few seconds, then brought the angel blade down and grabbed the shovel. “Thank you.”

The woman moved to the door, and put her hand against the door frame and braced herself to open the door. She managed to rip the door open, tearing the lock through the frame. She held the door open and Dean quickly left. She followed behind, the door slamming shut behind her.

She turned to Dean and looked at him with those strangely familiar blue eyes. “So, who are you to know so much about angels.”

“My name is Dean Winchester, and once this ghost is gone, you’ll get your blade back.”

The woman, the angel, glared at Dean, but then said, “Fine, Dean Winchester. I hope we don’t see each other when this is over.”

“Will you at least tell me your name?”

“My name is Castiel.” She brushed past Dean. He felt his body tense in shock, and his lips mouth “Cas?”

* * *

After a few moments, Castiel heard the man, Dean, follow behind him.

“Why do you care?” Castiel asked.

“About?”

“This ghost. Who are you protecting?”

“I just arrived here and heard that someone saw a dead person and figured I should see what’s going on.”

“That’s very noble of you. You’d make a fine angel.”

Dean scoffed, “That’s the last thing either of us would want.”

Castiel stopped walking, “What was that?”

“You’ll see,” Dean replied as he walked ahead. Castiel eyed this odd human for a second before he followed behind. Castiel wanted to say something to this human, but the words simply wouldn’t come to him. It was Dean who finally broke the silence, “So, what’s it like being an angel?”

“I do not understand your question.”

“You know, heaven, being a good little soldier and doing what you’re told, do you ever get tired of it or… or even have doubts?”

“No. Why would I?”

“Just a question.”

Castiel looked towards Dean. “Have you ever met an angel who wasn’t happy in heaven?”

Dean chuckled, “Yeah, I’ve met one.”

“What made this angel want to leave.”

Dean opened his mouth to reply, then really thought about Cas, his Cas. “I guess he found something that he wanted more… Something he loved more.”

“Don’t you find that dangerous?”

“Find what dangerous?”

“An angel, leaving heaven. Loving something here on earth.”

Dean smirked. He remembered that first year he knew Castiel. When the angel who raised him from perdition showed up in a dirty trench coat, messed up tie, and the constant sex hair. “That depends how you look at it.”

Castiel stopped and looked at Dean, and he stopped as well. “The only reason I’m here,” Castiel said, “is because one of our own fell in love with a human.”

Dean snapped back, “Sorry. I forgot the whole ‘Angel’s are forbidden to experience any emotion’.”

“Humanity has committed atrocities towards one another all because of your emotions.”

“Well, the best of us are driven by love.”

Castiel tilted his head towards Dean and replied, “Yes, a race that’s dictated by chemicals sounds like they’d make sound decisions.”

They glared at each other for a few more moments, until Dean broke the silence, “We’ve got a ghost we need to stop. Let’s focus on that now.”

Again, Castiel watched Dean as he walked away. "What exactly is love?" he thought.

"Well, it’s honestly a little difficult to explain," Clarissa thought. "I think it would be better to show you."

Clarissa offered some of her memories to Castiel, and he accepted them. The first image that Castiel saw was of a man, whom the memories identified as Mr. Novak. Through her eyes, Castiel saw the budding relationship with this man. He saw the two of them the two of them walking together, the man listening to every word that Clarissa told him. He saw them sitting together, Clarissa embroidering and Mr. Novak reading, both of them smiling simply because of the other’s presence. Castiel saw when Mr. Novak asked Clarissa to marry him, and felt like everything had fallen into place in Clarissa’s life. Castiel felt the excitement that they both had when Clarissa learned she was expecting.

But then, Castiel also felt the stabbing pain when the child died only a few weeks into her pregnancy. He saw Mr. Novak simply hold Clarissa during those first few nights when she couldn’t sleep, only cry. He saw how patient Mr. Novak was with her in her emotional healing after the experience.

Then, Castiel saw the arguments that the two of them had. When Clarissa felt like he put his work above her. When Mr. Novak felt like she was being too distant. Castiel saw that these arguments would sometimes last for days.

But, Castiel also saw the end of their longest and worst fight. They went ice skating with some friends, and didn’t speak a single word the entire time. He saw when Clarissa went onto the thin ice and fell into the freezing waters. Castiel saw the horror that Clarissa felt, thinking that she could die here, having spent days without telling her husband that she loved him. Castiel felt her relief wash over here when Mr. Novak jumped immediately after her. He felt Clarissa’s fear for her husband when he made sure that she was out of the water before he even tried to get out himself. Their friends immediately brought them inside, and wrapped together in a thick blanket, they forgave one another.

Though Castiel couldn’t see what their argument was about, Clarissa had forgotten it after her husband rescued her.

For the first time in his existence, Castiel was unsure of what to do. So, he followed Dean.

* * *

“I can’t make out anywhere they might have buried her, can you?” Dean asked after spending a little under an hour searching the farm.

Castiel looked over the field once again. Spring had brought too much growth to the uninhabited farm. The grass had grown up to their waist in most spots, even as tall as Castiel in some places. For a few seconds, the only thing they heard was the soft bubbling of a nearby creek. Castiel could smell everything, the pollen released by the grass, the ground where it was still wet from a recent rainfall, and then something off nearby a fully blooming wisteria tree.

“There’s something over here,” Castiel said. He walked over to the tree and Dean followed behind him. The moment they got closer to the tree, Castiel saw a rectangular spot next to the tree had been disturbed, but it happened so long ago, only Castiel saw the difference.

“Here, she’s buried here.”

“Alright then, let’s get digging.”

* * *

Castiel insisted on digging because they only had the one shovel, but Dean wouldn’t hear of it. Dean’s argument was he had done this countless times, Castiel’s was that he was an angel. But, something about Dean made Castiel listen to him.

When Dean felt the shovel hit something hard, both he and Castiel were a little worried that the ghost hadn’t reappeared.

After Dean had uncovered the coffin and stepped up next to Castiel, he said “Well, looks like this ghost knows what she’s dealing with.” Castiel actually found himself smiling at Dean’s comment, as Dean pulled out the salt and spread it over the corpse. Dean turned to Castiel and held the packet of matches to Castiel and asked, “Care to do the honors?”

Castiel looked over at Dean and said, “Thank you,” He took the matches from him. When they both turned to face the grave, the ghost of the woman was standing on the other side of it.

Dean immediately flew back and was pinned up against the tree. “Cas! Burn the body!” he called out. The ghost appeared in front of Dean. Castiel tried to strike a match. It slipped out of his hands. He tried again. Castiel heard Dean’s choking noises. He turned back to Dean. Dean was struggling against the ghost’s pale hand.

Castiel dropped the matches and picked up the shovel. He swung it through the ghost. She disappeared, and Dean fell down onto his knees. “Thanks,” Dean gasped out.

“You’re welcome,” Castiel replied. "Why did I do that?" he thought.

Clarissa flashed her memory of falling through the ice.

Castiel found where he dropped the matches. He quickly lit one and dropped it onto the corpse. They watched it burn for a few moments before Castiel asked, “Where are you headed to now?”

“Right now, try and figure out how to get back where I came from.”

“Well, humans at least have legs.”

Dean chuckled, “Well, it’s at least a start.”

Castiel looked up at Dean, and Dean had to look at those eyes. Those eyes were too familiar to Dean, but right now completely foreign as well.

“Something sent you through time.”

Dean smiled; no matter what, it looked like Castiel could read him. “It was a witch I was hunting.”

Castiel put two fingers on Dean’s temple. “Just think of when and where you were, and I’ll send you back.”

Dean smiled, “Thank you.” Dean closed his eyes, and thought of the hunt he had been on, the hunt with his brother, and Cas.

~ ~ ~

Cas looked up at the witch. His head throbbed when she had flung him across the room and it hit one of the pillars. He dropped his gun from the impact, and the witch kicked it away.

“I’ve heard stories of the Winchesters,” she said, “of the people they’ve saved, the monsters they’ve killed, but my favorite is of the fallen angel they keep as a pet.”

Cas struggled against the magic binding him. The witch crouched over and started stroking her cheek with a long fingernail. “A being with the powers of Heaven, even the power of a God, and he threw it all away for two humans.” She made a large, comical frown at Cas. “Tragic.”

The witch stood up and started chanting in Latin. Cas closed his eyes and waited for the end. That was interrupted by Cas’ favorite voice yelling “Hey!” The witch turned her head around, and got shot in the middle of her forehead.

As the witch crumpled to the ground, Cas saw a man wearing clothes that no one would have worn in over a hundred years--clothing that Cas had etched into his memory.

* * *

The next few days, Dean and Cas didn’t speak that much. Dean had poured himself into research, but wouldn’t tell Sam or Cas what he was looking into. Cas wanted to talk to Dean, but was unsure of what Dean was thinking after seeing him before Cas had saved Dean.

On the fourth day, Cas finally decided to say something. Dean was sitting in his room, a frown on his face as he searched something on his laptop. Cas gently knocked, and Dean muttered a quick “Come in.”

Cas walked into the room, and Dean didn’t look up at him. “Dean… Why didn’t you say anything to me then?”

“Shouldn’t I be the one asking you that?” Dean snapped back, glaring up at him, “Eight years, and you never once tried to drop a hint that we’d met before?”

“Dean… after I met you, truly learned about humanity, I regretted what I did then. Even though I still thought that child was a Nephilim, she was still someone’s daughter. I… I didn’t want you to know that I ever did that.”

“Cas, you almost nuked a town just to stop Samhain. If you had just told me, I would’ve understood.”

“You’re right. Dean, I’m really sorry.” Cas stood in silence for a few seconds then said, “Though, one thing I’ve never figured out is why the ghost specifically targeted me.”

“I think I might be able to answer that.” Cas looked at Dean in confusion, so Dean motioned him over to the bed. Dean scooted over to give Cas room, and Cas sat down right next to him. “I decided to look into Sarah Davidson, the ghost we stopped.”

Dean had a page up showing a newspaper from 1899, a wedding announcement. “Basically, I found out that she had married fairly young, and she was madly in love with her husband. He didn’t feel the same way, and her death was ruled as an accident. But years later, her husband confessed that she killed herself in despair.

“Then, I found this.” Dean opened another window, showing a newspaper from 1901. The headline read “Second Young Couple Found Dead in Orono, Maine.” Cas looked at Dean in complete shock.

“It looks like the only victims of the ghost were couples; both of the articles say how tragic it was for them to die, as both couples were very much in love.” Cas’ glance fell away from Dean.

Cas said, “The ghost told me ‘He’s coming’ seconds before you arrived.”

Dean and Cas didn’t say anything, didn’t even look at each other for a few seconds. The only thing they could do in that moment, was slide their hands together and intertwine their fingers.

~ ~ ~

“Thank you Castiel, I couldn’t have done this without you,” Ishim told him.

“Now that the Nephilim is dead, what shall we do?” Mirabel asked him.

“We’ll need to return to heaven,” Ishim replied.

“And our vessels?” Benjamin asked.

“Well, they’ve offered themselves to us, I don’t see a reason to leave them.”

The flight nodded in agreement, all except Castiel. Castiel heard their wings behind him, and then it was only himself and Ishim left.

“Is something bothering you Castiel?”

“No, it’s just that… I feel I must leave this vessel.”

“Any reason you feel that way?”

“I believe it unjust to continue to use her when I have no need for her.”

“Really? You never know when you’ll find another vessel quite like this one.”

“I do realize that… but, there’s still something she must do with her life.”

“Very well, if you think it best.”

Castiel nodded his head at Ishim, “Thank you.” Then with the sound of wings, Ishim vanished from Castiel’s sight.

Thank you, Castiel heard Clarissa Novak say. He then felt all of Clarissa’s memories, especially the ones of her husband.

Castiel’s grace left Clarissa’s body. The moment that he abandoned Clarissa, she said, “Thank you.”

Castiel held onto Clarissa’s memories of her husband for a long time. In the billions of years that Castiel had lived, he never felt quite something like what Clarissa had felt. Castiel thought of them when he was with his flight. Castiel knew they were brothers, but something was still missing. Castiel couldn’t find the selflessness that Mr. Novak showed to Clarissa. For the first time in his life, Castiel had doubts.

**Author's Note:**

> Not my best work, but I was inspired by Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets, and pumped this out. Hope you enjoyed it.  
> Also, the idea is that Jimmy named his daughter Claire after Clarissa and grew up hearing stories about angels because of her.


End file.
